corpseknight: (bitebitekiss)

i Don't know that i shld be writing this down but hes gone now &

there's some things I can't talk to Krenyn about & some things I shldn't talk to Meri Mero Meri FUCK IT Merosiel about & if he didnt tell khaavren & Ori about ti i shldnt be the oen one to tell them again he's gone

& besides i dont think i can put up with Khaavren being hateful

not that it's not his right

no fuck dont write about that, stupid larkspur

what i should be writing is that kae is gone

&

I dont' know if he will be back at all or back alive

if he does come back because he's gone to the scryers now saying that they used to be Sunfury once as if that means they'd be safer than throwing hm himself on the socalled fucking mercy ha ha of the fucking conclave in Silvermoon & really if he thought about it he'd realize that the scryers hate us MORE for not going with them because it means now they have to kill us over the prince's madness & one stupid fucking decision is all thats between old friends and family and lovers and shieldmates

& i asked

if He was going out there to die & he said no of course not that's why he'd been running in the first place

& then i cried on him b/c i'm a stupid fucking failure of a knight & a friend & a sunfury & a traitor & a man

but he wasnt afraid anymore & he wasn't running & he wasnt even Kae anymore he was Al'arien

& that is why I don't know if he will come back because Al'arien has nothing to lose

. ... .. . .. . .. .. . .. . ............ . . . . . . .. .. . .. .. .. .. . . .... .. &

noone will see this while im still around

which is why its okay to be writing all of this with Real Names

so while i'm doing that I want to set the record straight on smthg

b/c if He dies out there & i die before i tell anyone this someone needs to know even if no one really cares what i think

i APOLOGIZED for everything i called him to his face BUT i said a lot of things behind his back because i am a bad friend & knight & everything

& stupid

& Jiel asked me once why if Kae was such a bad person why we didnt just kill him

never mind we don't go around killing people just for saying stupid shit to other people and making them want to die though maybe the world would be a better place if we did

& & i didnt

look i didn't say wat what i meant right because Jiel still doesnt understand but what

i meant

to explain is that whats bad in kae is what is bad in all men & few of them choose to restrain

and what is good in kae is what is good in all men & few of them choose to display

& he gave me back a part of myself the LIVING me that would have been gone forever & i'm not the only one he helped that way even if he was just being selfish or pretended he was to get by like most of us do

& now he made the choice to be more than his fear which almost NO ONE ever does

And

I'm afraid

i dared him

to his death & he's out there alone

and going to die the way i did

for the people he loves

& if there were only one wish i could have now it would be to take back every time i called him a selfish fuck because i was angry.

. . .

 

walk in the Light, Al'arien Dawnstrike. wherever you are.

& come home. I love you & i'm not the only one.

corpseknight: (Default)

"Merosiel!"

He's had the fleeting, mad thought before that if he could scream loud enough--if he could kill enough people, if he could make a large enough disturbance--he could call the dead and the lost back to him by force of will alone.

"MEROSIEL!"

It's the madness of a diseased mind; the insanity of a rotting brain. There's no bringing them back when they're really gone. No amount of spilled blood, no number of shattered limbs, split skulls, silenced voices will absolve him of failing them when they needed him most, of not being there just as Meros is not here. Driven from house to house in a crush of armored bodies, wailing like a mourner, he finds neither hide nor hair of what he's looking for; no indication the faithless jailors have kept their promise, no sign his friend still lives.

"Where are you?!"

The mêlée spills out onto the streets, guards falling to the cobbles as he weaves among them with all the lewd grace of one of the Scourge. Here one trips over his own guts and falls in a groaning, dying heap; there another froths and shakes and collapses like an unstrung puppet as plague eats her from within, and he should take joy in the carnage but he can't. (Another guard drops from a heavy backhand blow; finishing her with a headsman's stroke from Terminus Est, he kicks the body into the canal.)

He can't, because something has happened to Meros, something has happened to Merosiel, because--he mounts up the steps of a bridge, not caring he's being chased to the heart of the city--his friend isn't answering him, and something has happened there are blood and terror in the air tonight that are not because of his rampage.

"Meros! Answer me! What have they done to you?!"

They can hear him calling, screaming himself hoarse, and each respite he gets is shorter than the last. This time they bring a paladin--a fucking, Light-sucking paladin; why aren't they looking for MEROS?--and he calls the lately dead back to their feet to aid him against their once-allies. All is fair in love and war and where is he they promised they promised they wouldn't kill him--

"CAMPION, YOU CHILD-MURDERING SCARLET SON-OF-A-BITCH! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MEROSIEL?!"

---
Our Lady Peace -- "Denied", Taproot -- "Lost In the Woods"

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Larkspur Plagueheart

March 2017

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